Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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