So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
