why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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