Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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