Your face is a jimmy john
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
