I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
