So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
