3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
