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• (443): View more from Maryland

  So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"

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• (903): View more from Texas

  making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  its not chili. and you brought it.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I am a taco. I am also really high.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.

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