but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
