Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
