oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
