I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
