i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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