mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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