but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
