I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
