He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
