I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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