Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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