In the future we'll all be gay
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
