You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize