Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
