Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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