just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
