got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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