My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
