I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
