The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
