So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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