I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
