Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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