drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
