It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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