if i died would you start the facebook group?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
