I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
