Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We need to get me chipped asap
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
