She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
