How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
