At least make sure they are 18
Why
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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