exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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