I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
