My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
