I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
