i wish my penis had a tongue
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
