I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
