I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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