They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he puts the penis in happiness.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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