You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize