WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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