Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
