don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
