he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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