Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
