Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
