guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
