It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
