maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
