Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
