I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Boobs speak an international language.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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