quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
