dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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