goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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