There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
