Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize