I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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