3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
