Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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