I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
