I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
