New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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