In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
