I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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