please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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