Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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