apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize