trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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